Dear Doctors- When I came home after our visit, I noticed what appeared to be letters poking through my stomach. After your complete review of my delusion that I am, in fact, Santa Claus; and in light of your comments about the nature of the bottom of my front, I believe there are psychosomatic issues in play that could be disturbing in one so young (63).
I have carefully documented the condition here and hope that you will excuse the bad spray-on tan and my obvious surprise.
Naturally I don't plan to share this development with anyone but my closest family and friends and hope that they will keep my confidence. Any reference to: “My Father (or my friend) the Jello Man” could offend Bill Cosby!
What would you recommend so the letters don't show quite so prominently through my red and white Christmas in July Aloha shirt?